Telephone Disaster v2
by Wafia Primo
Summary: Here is the new TO THE LIMIT cellphone! Once again, be careful with your options! Rated T for unnamed reasons. A drunk Xanxus is a healthy Xanxus.
1. Chapter 1

**Well, here is Telephone Disasters v2.0! I hope everyone will enjoy this as much as the first Telelphone Disasters!!!**

**Once again, I DO NOT OWN KHR!!!**

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Here is your new TO THE LIMIT phone v2.0

Be careful.

I mean it.

You better listen.

No really, you could cause a HUGE disaster with this.

Fine.

Don't listen.

See if I care.

* * *

Press 1 To Redial (What do you expect? The world to blow up? Psh.)

Press 2 To Meet a Afro-ed Toddler

Press 3 To Meet the Vindice

Press 4 To Meet The Varia

Press 5 To Torture a Poor Sap

Press 6 To Give Tsuna College Math Finals

Press 7 To Set Free the Prisoners of Vendicare Prison

Press 8 To Learn Poison Cooking

Press 9 To Learn Kendo

Press 0 To Enroll at Kokuyo Junoir High

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**Okay, it's the same rules as last time. If you don't know what I mean, read the first _Telephone Disasters_. Please review and choose!**

**I hope this makes everyone happy!**


	2. Math Finals? That's Nothing

**WAAAHH!!! I'M SO HAPPY!!! SO MANY PEOPLE REVIEWED!!! THANKS EVERYONE!!! Back to buisness. So, Tsuna has TONS of math finals!!! TSUNA!!! GET YOUR BRAIN EXPLODEDED!!! Lol, exploded, I mean. Also, I'm using a part from my one of my other fanfiction, Tiger's Woes. See if you can recognize it!  
Disclaimer: I do not own KHR!!! I wish I did.**

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Reborn stood next to Tsuna's bed.

"Tsuna. Wake up now, or else you shall get the fright of your life."

...

No reply

...

"Fine. Be that way."

Reborn took out a recording of a phrase said by a certain person that can make grown men cry.

Reborn played the deadly recording.

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"Kami Korosu"

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Delayed Reaction

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Wait For It...

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"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! REBORN!!! WAS THAT NECESSARY?"

"Yes, it was. Move it. You have a looooooooooong math final to take. College level."

Tsuna screamed louder and longer than before.

"WHY?!?!?!?" Leon transformed into a gun. "Do I have to convince you? Come to Nami Jr. High"

Tsuna jumped (flew) out of bed and ran to (flew again) his dreaded school

* * *

I just finished making the test with Basil!

It'll be extra hard due to Basil's old language habits.

When Tsuna came in, Basil handed him the test.

"Master Sawada, wouldst thou like to try it?"

Reborn pointed his gun at Tsuna. Tsuna gulped.

"Uhhh... S-s-sure."

Tsuna sat down and looked at the test.

"WHAT?!??! IT'S IN ENGLISH!!! I CAN'T READ ENGLISH!!!"

Fon kicked him in the head.

"WHY IS I-PIN'S MASTER HERE?!?!?"

I handed Tsuna a pencil.

"Relaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaax. It's multiple choice. You can just guess. You might get at least a 50 or a 40 or a 0. Yes. 0."

Tsuna gulped and started to guess the answers to the questions.

"Word problems.... Why world problems... omgwhydoihavetheworstoflucktohavetotakeaenglishmathfinal."

Yeah, he started mumbling insanely.

* * *

After a LONG LONG LOOOOOOOOOONG time, Tsuna finally finished.

"Tsuna, this test was for nothing."

Tsuna slammed his head into the table, therefore breaking it.

"... Tsuna... You just broke that table." I gulped nervously.

Me, Basil and Reborn backed up towards the open window.

"Dame-Tsuna, you broke school property."

A rope ladder coming from a company helicopter dropped in front of the window.

I saluted. "Arrivederci, Tsu-kun. It was nice knowing you. And torturing you."

Basil went first up the ladder, followed by me.

Reborn flew away on a Leon-Glider.

And.... Hibari came in, right on cue.

"For breaking school property, I will bite you to death."

For the second time that semester, he got severely injured.

Wait, I forgot about Fon.

He just... Dissapeared.

How, I do not know, and probably never will. Better not ask him about it.

* * *

I was enjoying tea with Fon, Reborn, Basil and Hibari.

Basil was grinning. "Man, I love not talking like a ancient japanese guy. It's so... free formed. I don't know."

I tried to stop laughing. Fon whacked me on the head.

"Baka Jenny! Your next plan might destroy the world! Why am I here?"

"You want to know what is going to happen, of course!"

Fon sighed and continued to drink his tea. Yum, yum oolong tea.

I was trying not to laugh.

I was still thinking of Basil's way of talking.

If only Tsuna and the others knew this was how he really talked.

Just imagine the look on Iemetsu's face.

* * *

_This just in, Vendicare prison have discovered plans to free the prisoners! Who's plans? We don't know! Stay tuned, kufufu~_

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**I'M SORRY FOR THE SUCKY CHAPTER!!! Sorry Kasopea, Zelfie, Hibari Kyouya, and I'm-crazy-about-anime. I just couldn't think of anything. If you guys choose another option, I might actually be able to put your names in. This is the worst thing I have ever written. Feel free to tell me how stupid this was.**

**Well, Thanks for reading~**

**kufufu~ what a nice thing to do to the juudaime, letting him get beat up. Again.**

**What ever. See you guys next time!**


	3. Vindice Breakout!

**Well, I'm sorry for the late update, but I was stuck. Vendicare Prison Breakout... Oh boy... I.A.A.N and Aqua4, I know you guys aren't twins, but, this seemed too fun to pass up.**

**For those who names I did not add in the last chapter, I'll try my best to get you guys in. Somehow.**

**_Can any of you read my other story How to Annoy Hibari Kyouya: The Cause and Effect? _**

**I just feel like that was my best work in months. Sorry, not trying to impose anything, you guys don't have to.**

**Also, I do not own KHR.**

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Sayuri and Sira. The most troublesome twins the mafia world has ever met.

A short recap on what they did in the past week:

-Glued the Kyudaaime's mailbox shut.

-Spray painted Dino's Ferrari neon green.

-Caused Enzio to spit fire (Only the heavens know how in the whole wide universe that happened).

-Removed all the stop signs in Sicily (in one hour too).

-Caused a national disaster by placing a banana peel in the middle of a highway.

-Nearly destroyed life as we know it. (Sayuri: How was I suppose to know I shouldn't press the big red button in a nuclear plant?)

-Blew up half the Vongola mansion.

-Blew the Varia Headquarters to almost nothingness. Why do you think no one was able to go there for months?

All this is only a small fraction of their work. A very small fraction. Even smaller than that speck of dust you never see.

Now, they're about to have the time of their life.

In a very, very dangerous place.

* * *

"Sayuri-chan, Jenny has requested thee for a small job."

Basil, stop pretending, we know you have good non ancient grammar.

Sayuri entered the meeting room. "Ya called?"

I grinned. "Well, I have something fun for you. You need to initiate plan 6s2SV1-1896-H-K-C-Guard".

Her eyes lit up. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!"

"Sira-chan is coming too." Sira appeared and high-fived her twin.

"We are SO going to ruin lives today."

* * *

Mike the Vindice boss is a pretty great guy.

Mike loves his job.

He let's the inmates play chess, checkers, and Candyland.

Who doesn't love Candyland?

Anyway, back to buisness.

Mike has good intuition. And something told him a catastrophe was about to happen.

Armageddon leveled.

A message then arrived.

Two girls were to inspect the prison today and were to be given keycards for the entire place.

Orders from the top of the tops, not to be refused.

He really wished to disobey him.

He was sure his intuition never failed him before.

Mike hated his job now.

* * *

The twins showed up in matching shirts that said 'The Mafia Kicks Ass'.

"Okay Mike, we are just going to do a few rounds, and then leave."

Sayuri went one way and Sira went the other.

Sayuri took the deep deep deep deep deep deep (Wonyung: Okay, we get it Jen) downs.

She stopped at a water tank, with a guy floating inside, seemingly asleep.

'Wow, he's hot' Sayuri thought.

_'Kufufu~ why thank you my dear.' _A voice spoke inside her mind.

She just sighed and slid the key card into a slot.

The card shot back out and the water in the tank started draining.

The walls slid down, and Mukuro stumbled out of the tank.

"Oya oya, what people are up to these days, freeing murderers."

Sira came down and said "Speak faster, we got to finish the job."

Mukuro chuckled evilly, raised his trident and the deed was done.

* * *

It was havoc in Mike's office.

Bob was running in and out with complaints.

Steve kept running in circles out of pure panic.

Fred just slammed his head on the desk of the 10000000 time.

Or was Bob actually Fred and Steve actually Bob and is it possible that Steve was not even real?

It's so hard when all your employees look the same.

You know, bandages, top hats, ragged clothing, etc.

Mike wish he could quit and set up a burrito stand.

Or a pet shop.

He always wanted to work with cute animals.

Not that anybody actually knew.

Who would respect their boss and the rest of the Vindice if people found out he loved animals?

Now he knew how Hibari Kyouya felt.

* * *

I was in the meditation room with Fong and Basil

He sighed "They managed to catch the prisoners... Thank goodness".

Basil was still enjoying his newfound speech.

"But you DO have to admit, it was pretty funny seeing the Vindice guy slam his head repeatedly!"

Ma and Basil high fived.

Fong shook his head in despair and dissapeared with the cute little monkey of his.

Really, it's adorable! I have a picture of a real life monkey that looks just like it on my fridge!

Don't know where I got that.

* * *

**So yeah, this chapter sucked. I really do have a picture of a monkey that look's like Fong's. **

**I think I found that pic in a National Geographic issue.**

**The pictures currently on my fridge. **

**HEY!!! ARE YOU THE ONE WHO IS BEHIND JUUDAIME'S TORTURE?!?!?!**

**Maybe. I can't tell, I'm just leading a company. Supply and Demand, ya know.**

**WHY YOU FU-**

**Time to go, see ya all next time!**


	4. Druken Moles

**I've know its been a long time since I've updated, but I felt that this had to be done before anything else.**

**I'm so sorry with all the delays, but I hope this will be to your satisfaction.**

**I **do** not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn, only the Wafia.**

**We pwn IHOP.**

**So for this chapter, we have Epic, Isabella (straight outta the Wafia box), Tsuya, Christine, Krystal, Eve, Nima, Vanessa, Ryu, and Hime.**

**Loo la Doi doi doiiii. **

**This is Option #4, Meet the Varia.**

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_Dear Unsatisfied Customer,_

_We apologize for the distress caused to you by the typhoon of pineapples._

_The only way was can possibly console you is_

_I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!_

_TOO BAD!_

_GET A FREAKING LIFE!_

_-Customer Service_

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As the lead man in the customer service office, He was allowed to reply to complaints in any way he wished.

Yep, Hayato loved this job. And he got payed for every person that needed therapy after this.

"Alright! Now I can buy the new Juudaime themed underwear set!"

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Primo is having a third person omniscient moment.

Please stand by as we switch over.

Thank you.

* * *

~ WaPri of the Die Awesomely company cordially invites the Varia,

Including the bodies of Lissuria, Xanxus, Belphegor, Squalo, Fran, Mammon, and the Poo pile.

Gola Mosca is also cordially invited to be the disco ball.

Please note that weapons will be allowed, although fighting will not ~

"VOOOOOOI! Boss, we really going to this? Boss? Yoooo?"

Xanxus had finished the last drop of alcohol and was suffering from withdrawl.

"No no no no go no alcohol the preciousssssss"

Clearly in a delicate state, Squalo kicked him and screamed "THERE'S GOING TO BE BEER AND CRAP!"

Leaping up into the chandelier he swung around. "Forward march, my dearies! Theres booze to be drunk!"

* * *

Izzy was wearing the special tour guide pretzel hat.

"Now everyone, please watch your step as we travel through the hall of corpses."

Everyone cautiously stepped around the corpses while Izzy stepped on all of them.f

"I'm going to let you guys do the one thing Boss would encourage me to do."

Ryu raised his hand. "Is it let us leave with our sanity and health?"

Isabella laughed, shook her head, and led them to the room of disaster.

* * *

When they opened the door, Epic got a glitter shower, courtesy of an angry Squalo.

"NOOOO~! Squ-chan, that was my special glitter *^*."

After coughing out a lungful of gold glitter, Lissuria proceeded to cry in anguish.

Sorta... creeped out, Epic pat him reassuringly on the shoulder.

"Er... Don't cry, we can get more." What a mistake that was.

Brightening up, Lussuria dragged the poor victim on a 8 hour grand tour of his glitter collection.

* * *

Somehow, everyone was seperated by the mysterious force called cheese.

Tsuya spent the next hour dodging random axes and poisonous dodos before making it to a safe area.

HAHAHAHAHAHA. I lied.

Silly person nearly got turned into slices of lunch meat when SOMEONE accidentally walked in on Squalo taking a shower.

"MY EYEEEEEES! THEY BUUUUUUURN!" Tsuya knelt on the ground in pain.

"VOOOI! WHO'S FAULT IS IT? AND IT DOESN'T LOOK THAT BAD! I'M NOT THAT SMALL! I MEAN, AH FORGET IT."

He slammed the door shut and remembered to lock it before continuing his shower.

* * *

Krystal was enjoying a civilized talk on money with Mammon.

After paying a fee of course.

She was holding up a poor eel that was wriggling around.

"So Mammon, what you're saying is that the key to being rich is electric eels?"

Nodding, he/she (I REALLY DON'T KNOW ._.) replied "That will be another 500 euros."

* * *

Christine walked into a room where she saw a boy in a frog hat hung upsidedown.

She immediately hugged Franny-poo's face to death.

"Ushishishi, what are you doing to my practice dummy?"

Pointing at him accusingly, she said "OBJECTION! He is not a practice dummy, he's a endangered species."

Fran tried to protest, but was immediately shut up by a fairy.

"Well then, I need a new practice dummy!"

"WAAAAIT!" She was then hung from the ceiling by her hands and wriggled like a worm to dodge incoming knives.

* * *

Eve spent a long time walking around before she suddenly entered a very gloomy room with a man in the corner.

She poked his back and the man jumped up in terror "GAAAAH! Oh... Its only a girl..."

Levi sat back down in his corner and continued crying.

"Is there something wrong?" Another therapy session she needed to conduct.

"Well, everyone is always treating me like I'm nothing and commenting on how creepy I am. ITS JUST HOW I AM!"

Eve handed him a box of tissues and mentally prepared for the long road ahead.

* * *

Fran, Belphegor, and Squalo were trying to prevent Xanxus from leaving the room.

"But but but but but but the wine! ITS MOANING MY NAME! I need to get to it!"

He failed to understand that they were hiding, and eventually, Nima found them.

"So thats where you guys were! Come on, we have to finish our monopoly game!"

The three and Xanxus were dragged back into darkness, while he still was spouting all the names of alcohol he ever drank.

* * *

Vanessa entered the same room as Christine, who was elated when she saw her.

"OH DEAR GOD, HELP ME! I can't stand this anymore!"

One too many times, she got a lock of her hair cut off.

Belphegor gleefuly spun around. "This is the most fun I ever had torturing someone!"

Vanessa approached the danger zone using Fran as a human shield, and managed to rescue her.

Fran found himself hung upside down again, hat filled with knives.

* * *

Ryu and Hime somehow found themselves attached to a dog sled dragging the insane Xanxus through the streets of some random city in Italy.

"ONWARD, MY FAITHFUL PETS! GO FIND DADDY A BEER!" They neared a dock, and decided to take a break.

"Hime, what are we going to do about this nutcase?" She took out a toothpick.

"We're simply going to use his insanity to our advantage."

They walked up to the twitching Varia leader and dramatically waved the toothpick around.

"Sir, we found this magic toothpick that will lead you to your heart's desire!"

He grabbed it out of Ryu's hand and screamed "LIES!"

Thinking they were going to die, they started praying.

But they didn't die. "THIS TOOTHPICK OF YOURS IS A MAGIC DIGGING TOOL!"

To prove his point, he proceeded to dig a large whole and quickly disappeared from their sight.

Hime smiled. "I guess that solves our immediate problem, but... Where the hell are we?"

* * *

Isabella found herself in a cellar full of alcoholic drinks and proceeded to check if they were really alcoholic with a lighter.

After going through a few bottles, she heard a rumbling sound and ducked behind a stack of barrels.

Out of the ground appeared a wide-eyed alcohol depriced Xanxus, who dug his way there using a toothpick.

Isabella was recording the incident with her camera.

He tackled the barrels and crates of drunken goodness and finished it all in five minutes.

Isabella became a youtube star over night.

'Mole-man Finishes Large Amount of the Good Stuff'

* * *

**Now, a word from our near dead sponsor!**

Why the hell am I still at this dumb job?

Anyway, for a not so limited time, we're offering a hedgehog.

For how much, you ask?

100 easy payments of 51 dollars!

Act now, or my children will go to bed hungry!

* * *

**I'm out of ideas e.e**

**I'm sure I missed something, but I can't do good at the moment. **


End file.
